3 Steps to Recognising and Releasing Expectations

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3 Steps to Recognising and Releasing Expectations

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If you expect the world to be fair with you because you are fair, you’re fooling yourself. That’s like expecting the lion not to eat you because you didn’t eat him. 

I wrote an article a while back called ‘Why I No Longer Expect To Be Loved Or Expected‘.

Ummm – Dayam Girls. There is a whole wine-barrel of expectation going on in our lives! 

Since then I received a heap of emails and messages from those trying to work through their expectations in life and feeling like they were failing.   Let it be known there’s no failure.  There’s simply awareness, and then growth. OK?

Most of the expectations that we women struggle with are expectations to do with our partners or loved ones and exactly how we expect to be treated by this person or people. Where the struggle occurs within ourselves is when we place pressure – starting in our own minds – on these people to ‘fulfil our happiness’.

“Just because somebody doesn’t love you the way you want them to doesn’t mean they don’t love you with everything they got”

When we place expectations onto our loved ones  – “I expect him to wine and dine me to show they love me every month” – and the expectation is not met, we’ve set ourselves up for feelings of bitterness and animosity towards the person.  We typically dub them as being at fault, even though we were the one who placed the expectation in the first place.  

Does it surprise you that sometimes when we attack someone for not living up to our expectations, we can almost see their heads exploding.  How many times have I seen a man (or woman) shake their heads after being placed at the end of a failed expectation ‘test’.  

Can you imagine two actors going on stage.  A man and a woman.  She knows the script off by heart because she wrote it, and he has no idea how his role plays out.  He walks off stage and the writer of the script attacks him because “You didn’t say or do what you should have!”.


Have you heard these words before from a loved one? “But I don’t even know what I did wrong?”.  Uhuh.   Releasing expectation is rarely something that you can just switch off and it takes time and practice.  The most powerful part of committing to working on this is that the process calls for you to become conscious in your life and you know I believe that living consciously is the way to contentment, peace and fulfilment.

Step 1: Be conscious of what your expectations are.  CALL THEM OUT!  

What do you expect from those around you?  What do you expect from situations events and processes? Start to become aware of exactly what those expectations look like.  Write them down Sista! Once you do you are creating a softening around them.  Once you can soften them, you can begin to let them go.  They lose their power over you.  Expectations come from Ego and Ego wants to keep you small, so it is always happy if you feel miserable that your expectations are not met.

Awareness. Consciousness. Mindfulness.

All of these bring with them freedom from your thoughts and freedom from your thoughts is the beginning of enlightenment. 

Step 2:  Stop trying to change what you can’t.

Learn to listen and become aware of that which can be controlled by you and that which cannot.  There is absolutely no point in placing a contingency for your fulfilment or happiness onto somebody else, or another situation, that is out of your control.  It’s simply setting yourself up for disappointment.

Step 3: Practice giving to yourself.

The miracle in your life is you.  The person most deserving of your love, is you.   Many people place their feelings of worth in the hands of others.  This isn’t healthy, nor is it going to support you to a place of contentment.  If you are forever feeling ‘let down’ by others, ask yourself “How can I support myself to feeling worthy”.

How much expectation you place on others for your own happiness and worth is in direct correlation to how well you love yourself.

If you had to take steps to feel the way you want to feel in your life without having another person involved in getting you there how would you do that right now?

Worthy, loved, cherished, whole, peaceful, still, alive?

What would you do to feel that now? Ok, now go do that.

Does expectation control your life?  Have you been able to release it?   Let me know below, I would LOVE to hear from you, and share this post if you think it would be valuable to others.

3 Steps to Recognising and Releasing Expectations was last modified: November 1st, 2014 by Alice Nicholls

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