When you are open to receiving signs, words or gentle reminders from the Universe you often find that it speaks a language that is much needed and that teaches great lessons.
I was on a flight back from Sydney about a month ago, simply filled with love and ‘yummyness’ after connecting with a bunch of my tribe en masse. I sat in my seat and next to me was this lovely guy trying to set up his cup of tea and his laptop. If you picture him, he may as well have had on a tweed blazer and leather patches in his sleeves, such was his sweetness. His tea was sloshing around and he kept having to grab for his cup and move his laptop because there was a man in the seat in front of him trying to get comfortable.
All 100+ kgs of him.
He was throwing himself around like an elephant shaking off water. Everything my neighbour was, this dude wasn’t. He looked angry – sour – and like he didn’t give two hoots about anyone but himself. My friend next door tapped him on the shoulder and asked “Is everything ok? You keep bumping my table.” To which Mr. Angry replied “So fu*king what?”.
Riiiiiggggghhhhht. He glared at Mr. Tweed and myself (I must have looked like my hackles went up) preparing for a fight that he knew he would win – in his mind – if it got physical. I could tell that he had been in this position before and I have no doubt that his fists had seen a few fights. My neigbour looked at me.
Everything in me was screaming frustration, confrontation and war. How dare this guy! Me all fire and brimstone. I was cursing the gall of this guy and wondering how I could get involved with giving back to him this crap that he was sending our way. It was then that I caught myself.
That classic moment of realisation that I am trying not to engage with bad energy. That I won’t judge this behaviour because it doesn’t nourish me, or anyone. I found myself slipping, I caught it.
A week or so later and I’m at home with my 3 year old. We’re in the midst of a living nightmare right about now. My daughter has a physical ailment that is causing her huge pain and discomfort and I am for the first time since she was born, powerless. My baby who talks about extinction, and those ‘bloody’ possums out the back and the wisteria vine. She who beats a mean egg for cakes, and runs to us for cuddles and kisses as if she would surely expire without them, is battling with pain herself right now.
My little bruiser who dances just as gracelessly as I and is always the first at the dinner table to call ‘gratitude practice’. Who reminds me to appreciate the beauty of the sunrise when we walk to our car, has turned into a little girl I don’t know.
3 days ago she hit me in the face. Pain and frustration has caused hours each day of crying, whining, wailing and petulance. Foot stamping, back-chatting and baby-waking horror. For the first time, I am the mother in the supermarket getting stares that I easily read as “learn to control your child”. Yet if they knew…
Circumstance beyond my control has taken my girl right now and sent in her place a child that is struggling so much with discomfort, pain and frustration that she is using her words, fists and actions to strike out.
Have you ever had a headache, or were sick or tired and you found yourself snapping at someone you love – or even a stranger? We are so quick to defend, attack, bristle, go to war, fight or lash out if we feel we’re hard done by. But it’s never about us. While I was glared at in the health food section of Coles by a woman walking past with her basket, it made me think of Mr. Angry on the plane and his thrashing about at the world.
I wonder what happened in his life to create this ‘fight’ response. There is no doubt about it, he has learned this behaviour from somewhere and perhaps acted on it so many times he feels like being ‘attacked’ is his reality. This is a grown man who may carry this behaviour for the rest of his life, maybe feeling surprised that he always finds himself in situations similar to this one yet unaware of the power of the energy he puts out into the Universe.
That person who pushed in front of you to get on the train this morning may have just found out his wife is in the hospital and he is desperately hurried. The woman who ignored you as you thanked her this morning may have just found out that her husband is leaving her. That little girl who just hit her Mummy in the face may be so filled with pain that she doesn’t know how to cope. We may never know someone else’s history, background or pain. What we see on the surface is never what exists within and we need to show compassion, love and kindness before we defend and attack.
Always, always go with love.